Friday, January 21, 2005

Special Introductory Offer

If you live in Beckton, Brighton, Kingston-upon-Thames, West Thurrock, Islington (London), Charing Cross (London), Oxford Street (London), Watford, Bournemouth, Bristol, Cambridge, Swansea, Swindon, Birmingham, Cheshire, Leeds, Leicester, Manchester, Newcastle or Oxford, pop into Borders and pick up a copy of the global issues magazine Bulb and I have it on good authority that at least three people you don't know will love you forever.

Oh, and I guess you may be keeping some people's hard work from having been for nothing, too. Which is always nice.

Monday, January 17, 2005

You Wear A Disguise To Look Like Chicken Guys

I try not to post links because then I would feel like I was doing some almost worthwhile service, but I feel compelled to breach this policy for Subservient Chicken because, although it didn't keep me amused for very long (mainly because unusual things tended to provoke only tenuously related acts rather than just doing nothing, though when it gets it spot on it does so wonderfully), it takes me back to my very early school days and the wonder that was "Podd Can".

At this point, I must apologise to anyone who thought this post might linger for any length of time on chicken-related subjects based on the title, or offer anything vaguely preceptive. It won't. This post is just an excuse for me to bathe in memories of Podd Can (let's face it, I can't talk to people about it), which is much more important. The title only slipped through because Chicken Boo was also brilliant.

Now, if you've followed the link and played around for a little while, you now understand the concept of the Subservient Chicken. Now, replace the living room with a loud green background and the man in the chicken suit with a big red blob (called Podd) with a stupid face that doesn't have the relevant appendages for a chicken suit, and fiddle with the action until it becomes Educational. You now understand the concept of Podd Can.

These are just some of the awesome things about Podd Can:

1. Podd Can is far more interesting than maths lessons.
2. Podd Can prefixed your commands with "Podd Can" even when Podd quite obviously Couldn't.
3. Podd Can jump.
4. Podd Can allowed you to make yourself look clever when you came up with something Podd Can't.
5. Podd Can was easier and more fun than The Crystal Rainforest.
6. Podd Can dance.
7. Podd Can is far more interesting that R.E. lessons.
9. Podd Can count.
10. The internet seems to know surprisingly little about Podd Can when you're convinced it's spelled with only one D.
11. Attempting to convince the internet that it must know something about Podd Can led me to discover that searhing Google for "Pob" will find results including "place of birth" and "post office box".
12. I thought that Podd Can was called Pob Can until just now.
13. Podd Can walk.
14. Podd Can run.
15. Podd Can is far more interesting than English lessons.
16. Podd Can die in a variety of hilarious ways and always comes back.
17. Podd Can was easier and more fun that Around The World In Eighty Days.
18. Podd Can almost certainly do loads of really filthy things that we innocent children never thought to try but amused the developer no end.
19. Podd Can pop.
20. Podd Can was awesome.

How To Make Party Ring Cakes

1. Buy some Party Rings.
2. Remove Party Rings from tray and arrange artfully on side.
3. Leave for a few days.
4. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Day Of The Crow

A jackal is not a kind of raven-like bird. Jackals are, in fact, really rather thoroughly unbirdlike.

A jackal is any of several doglike mammals of the genus Canis of Africa and southern Asia that are mainly foragers feeding on plants, small animals, and occasionally carrion.

This post is not for your benefit. You see, if I can go for however bloody long it's been utterly convinced that a jackal is, in fact, black, feathered and squawky, there's no way to be sure that I won't wake up in the morning having totally forgotten that I was as wrong as I was certain. With a little luck, if that happens, I'll see this at some point.

The real beauty of the internet is its potential for correcting your startling misconceptions without you having to make a fool of yourself in polite company first.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

All The Time In The World

I got bored a little while ago.

Five Googlewhacks later, it occurred to me that I could have used the time I wasted on them to revise for my upcoming exams.

This leaves me in a state of uncertainty: on the one hand, I suspect Googlwhacking may be tremendous fun because it seems so hard but is so easy, but on the otherhand I feel it may simply be because Googlewhacking fundamentally isn't whatever important task you really should be doing.

In The Interests Of Completeness

f a r c i c a l / a n o n y m i t i e s
i d i o l e c t a l / p e r e m p t o r y
h o o p l a / t a u t o l o g i s t
g a s t r i c / c r u m h o r n s
f o r s o o t h / o c t a n t s

Monday, January 03, 2005

Happy New Year

That really isn't all. But it's certainly all you're getting.