Lent? What Lent?

I just tried a pancake drizzled in honey.

Life may never be the same again.

If You Can Hear It Over The Hoover

Just advertised on UKTV Gold: Housework Songs, a two-disc compilation of music "to make housework fun!"

I don't think I even need to make a sarcastic comment about this one.

Some Say The Meadowfish, She's Just A Myth

Well, you know how the saying goes. If you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. And if you've got nothing at all to say, show a picture of a ridiculous sign.

The Woe Of Doors

In my school, there is a room called the Sixth Form Silent Study Area, the purpose of which I won't insult you by explaining. Of course, it's never actually silent, because the common rooms are far too small to fit everyone in so pockets of people use it as an extension, but it's nonetheless the best place to go if you want to get a bit of work done. And it's where I went this morning, wanting to get a bit of work done.

Now, the doors on this room are a bit dogdy. One of them skitters awkwardly along the floor when moved, and neither closes properly with anything apporaching ease. So I wasn't surprised when attempting to close the door I came through left it just slightly ajar. I was surprised, however, to find that every time I tried to shut it properly, it popped back and needed another good, hard shove to get it back into place. After about four attempts, I gave up and went off to one of the desks.

As I did so, a fairly annoyed-looking girl entered the room. She didn't look, in all honesty, like she was quite in a relaxed enough state of mind to work effectively. But I suppose that was fair enough. After all, some arsehole had been holding the door shut on her while she was trying to get in.

Dull Kitchen Equipment Story Of The Day

Well, a few days ago I was toasting a bap to make myself an eggoon, and after about thirty seconds, much to my consternation, the room was momentarily lit up by a bright spark flying out of one of the slots. This worried me a little, so I took my bread out and did it under the grill instead.

Today, I was making an eggoon, and, not thinking for a moment of the spark event, stuck a bap in the toaster and set about frying the egg. For once, it seemed that I had got my timing right, and it was with tremendous satisfaction that I saw the toaster pop up just as my egg was on the final straight to perfection.

It was with rather less satisfaction that I saw that the bap was no warmer, browner or crisper than it was when it went in.

When I noticed the curl of foul-smelling smoke rising from the toaster, I would go so far as to say I took no satisfaction from it all.

I suspect that my toaster may be broken.