Churchill, Laurel, Taylor

It gives me great pleasure to announce that I am now a fully qualified member of the People Who Can Tie Bow Ties Properly Club. It is a club that is not currently considered cool among the general public, but I like to think my membership will fix that.

While obtaining my bow tie, I also saw an extremely drunk idiot buying expensive shoes and explaining to the exceptionally polite and patient Middle-Eastern shop assistant precisely why he intends to vote BNP. It pleases me that it's at least possible that, in his inebriated state, he didn't realise quite how much he was paying for his shoes, and will sober up to discover that he has very classy shoes but a very empty wallet and no memory whatsoever of where his receipt might be. With a bit of luck it will even distract him so much that he'll forget to vote.

Songs Tony Christie Should Have Performed On ITV's "Queen Mania"

- Bicycle Race (To Amarillo)
- Don't Stop Me Now (I Haven't Yet Reached Amarillo)
- (Can Anybody Find Me) Amarillo
- Now I'm In Amarillo
- Seven Seas Of Amarillo
- (All We Hear Is) KGNC FM
- Headlong (To Amarillo)
- Amarillo (With Montserrat Caballé)
- Amarillo For Everyone
- Las Palabras De Amarillo
- Princes of Amarillo
- Flash

This list certified 100% hilarity free by the Royal Commission for Funny Things.

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Wonderfully Simple Recipe of the Day

"Big Bowl of Fruit And Yoghurt"

For this recipe, you will need:
All your favourite fruit
Your favourite flavour of yoghurt
A big bowl
Chopping apparatus
A spoon

1. Chop all your favourite fruit, discarding any fiddly bits like seeds, stalks, peel and what have you.
2. Put all the bits of fruit in a big bowl and mix them up with a fingers like the chefs do on the telly with this sort of thing.
3. Cover the fruit with your favourite flavour of yoghurt (plain yoghurt can be substituted if it makes you feel clever.) This step may require the use of your spoon.
4. Mix it about until the fruit is all covered in yoghurt.
5. Serve.

It's a bit like a fruit salad, only thicker. And you can get away with less kinds of fruit.