My Maths Teacher Is Totally Stuck In Morocco

On a scale of one to ten, where one is not stuck in Morocco and ten is totally, totally stuck in Morocco, she is at least eleven stuck in Morocco.

Mark Taylor Wins National Award For Website

The 150th Post Spectacular

I just signed in to Blogger and I cannot for the life of me remember why. To be honest, I'm not even sure that there was a reason.

Possibly I am cracking up.

Only Two More Shopping Months

I just saw my first Christmas advert of the year! That's surely a sign that autumn is upon us.

Not Writing The Entry As A MasterCard Ad Parody: Priceless

In Waterstones today, I picked up David Copperfield and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland for £1.50 each, and a boxed set of twelve Shakespeare plays for £9.50 (sadly, unlike good DVD box-sets, this didn't come with any deleted scenes, interviews, or even a trailer for Cardenio, but at that price I'm not about to complain.)

If there's one sure-fire way to improve literature, it's to get it cheap.

Now Available In The Comfort Of Your Own Home

I was just having a glance on eBay to see if anybody was selling Monopoly counters (no, I can't think of a sensible reason why they would be either, but that's never stopped anyone on eBay before) and I found the PC version of Monopoly being sold in an auction with the following title:

"MONOPOLY- The Game -Brand New PC CD-ROM"

Quite what the seller believes the original version to be I'm not quite certain.

Hey Diddle Diddle

Last night, or possibly this morning, I had a dream in which I stole some grated cheese from the feeding trough of some cows on the Moon in order to give it away in a competition on this very blog.

I am very, very sorry not to be able to say that this dream has come true.

Perhaps I will hold a competition in which you can win grated cheese anyway. But then again, perhaps not.

He Played A Blinder

A new card game has been invented. A far better, tenser, more exciting card game than you have ever played, ever seen played, ever believed could be played. It is so simple a child could do it, though that is strongly, strongly discouraged.

It is a legend in the making.

It is "The Seven Of Diamonds Gets You Stabbed In The Eye".

The rules are simple. The deck is shuffled, and a single card dealt to each player. In turn, the players turn over their cards. If anyone has the seven of diamonds, they are stabbed in the eye, and the game is over. If not, the deck is reshuffled, and each player is dealt two cards. In turn, the players play their cards, and if anyone has the seven of diamonds, they are stabbed in the eye, and the game is over. The game continues like this until someone is stabbed in the eye.

If you do not have any friends willing to play with you, you can of course play solitaire The Seven Of Diamonds Gets You Stabbed In The Eye. This is simpler still. Shuffle the deck, deal yourself twelve cards (face down) in a line, and turn them over one by one, from right to left. If one of them is the seven of diamonds, stab yourself in the eye.

It is remarkable just how tense this game is even though it is decidedly obvious that nobody is really going to get stabbed in the eye.

Really, don't stab people in the eye. It's mean.