The t-shirt I am currently wearing has been driving me up the wall.
This, I appreciate, is not the most promising beginning to a blog entry. I only ask that you give it time. Do that, and you will see that the tedium promised by the opening is borne out in the explanation, and while that won't be entertaining you'll at least know that I'm honest.
Whoever designed this t-shirt decided that, for one reason or another, what would really make it a fashion classic would be to stitch in, on the inside of the shoulder seams, a thin strip of plastic. Not just any old plastic, though. Oh, no. They have developed a new plastic, sharper and scratchier than any plastic previously known. I suspect you could fashion a decent razor-blade out of this stuff, and it would never, ever go blunt.
This has been plaguing me for some time now. I could have stopped wearing the shirt. I should have done, and it's entirely my own fault that I have not. I'm going to carry on whining anyway.
Instead of pursuing that elegantly simple solution, I continued to wear the shirt and, when I got annoyed, began to bite out the plastic. Now, if you are very, very careful, you can just about pull the stuff out and leave the seam intact (a fact which I present as evidence for the plastic being totally, completely unnecessary.) Unfortunately, this degree of precision is very hard to maintain, and so I of course end up ripping holes in the shoulders of my shirt.
There is no grand, satisfying conclusion here. This post, like the garment it describes, simply unravels to an unsatisfying end.
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7 comments:
You're biting strips off your clothing now? Does this not strike you as at all worrying? And why couldn't you have just used scissors, or a knife? Questions, questions everywhere, and a Psychology lecture to get to in 10 minutes...
Yes, yes it does. I didn't use scissors or a knife because firstly, I was mostly in school at the time, and I don't think anyone wouldhave aprreciated me taking my shirt off, and secondly, it needed grip rather than cutting: the way that left the seam intact was to pull the plastic out very gently so that it tore on the thread.
I see. You were in school? You mean you were biting strips off your clothing in public? That's even more worrying. You're sure the stress isn't getting to you, love?
Well, it was hardly in public, now, was it? It's not like anyone I didn't know was going to randomly stroll into the common room.
The stress of having painfully scratchy clothing is getting to me, certainly.
Well, it was in public in the sense that it was a communal space in which many other people were likely to be present. You know what I meant.
Poor love. Wait a minute, why am I giving you sympathy? Just don't wear the damn thing. You own plenty of perfectly good t-shirts.
Yes, I suppose so. But worry not! There were very few other people present, so nobody thinks I'm crazy. Well, not because of that, anyway.
I suspect you are giving me sympathy as a natural result of your all-round loveliness.
That is wise advice indeed. Although I have now got rid of most of the plastic, so I might just mend the couple of places where I took out the seam too and keep wearing it, because in other respects I quite like that shirt.
I suspect that I just overstepped the line into intolerably dull with that very last bit. Sorry, everyone!
The pointless plastic bit in my shirt slides in and out, AND doesn't hurt.
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