After more than fifteen years of existence, I have finally found a purpose in life. Well, more of a mission, really; it would make a rather pathetic purpose for an entire life. My mission is, quite simply, to accrue, amass and acquire as many free T-shirts as possible. As with any such personal goal, this mission is bound by certain arbitrary rules which are as solid and unchangeable as a triangle of Dairylea, and so a T-shirt bought for me by a friend or relative would not count while a T-shirt given by an employer would. There is a No Man's Land of sorts between these two kinds of shirt donation, in which it is solely a feeling, an instinct, some primeval sense of what is a Free T-Shirt deserving of the proper noun and what is simply a short-sleeved, collarless shirt for which I do not have to pay.
In the pursuit of this cause, I have done very little. The Monster Raving Loony Party do not have the funds to hand out shirts, although they did offer a badge, which I did not accept because I'm not cheap. I have added a note to a BBC survey requesting a T-shirt along with my Free Prize Draw Entry, but I am not hopeful, mainly because I suspect it will be read by a donkey.
