It's Getting Wetter All The Time

There was a part of me that actually believed I would get through my exams without it once pissing it down on the way home. With only two exams left, it was looking good. But this, when all is said and done, is England, and it wasn't to be. And all that after the exam itself was nicely lacking in frustration.

Just What He's Always Wanted, Part Two

It turns out that the Perfect Gifts for Father's Day are expensive. So instead, we went for five films, on DVD, about dangerous marine life. And I like to think that Piranha, Piranhas and the Shark Attack Trilogy will become the foundation of my dad's classic cinema collection. Particularly as Piranhas is apparently a remake of Piranha and, after thorough examination of the blurb, Shark Attack 2 doesn't appear to have any plot at all.

So far, we've only watched Piranha, and I must say I never knew that they made such a similar noise to pigeons. I thoroughly recommend it, though its startling accuracy did make it seem rather more like docuumentary than entertainment at times.

Something Beginning With "F"

Yesterday I was kicked square in the eye. It hurt.

Sympathy, please.

My Graphics GCSE Paper (In Haiku Form)

1. Complete this bar chart,
Put it all in the right place,
Then make it pretty.

2. Write down the substance
That's used in vacuum forming,
And draw how it's done.

3. Draw a box design
And a corporate logo,
Then evaluate.

4. Complete your design,
Then explain about barcodes
And two ways to draw.

5. Redesign the box
So it closes correctly,
The first one was crap.

6. Englarge this image,
Use lots of British standards,
Do NOT use colour.

7. Complete the flow chart,
Say why CAD/CAM's fantastic,
Then say why it's not.

8. Explain these four tools,
Plus forehead thermometers
And materials.

9. Consider the world
And how to keep it going
With good packaging.

Biscuit Bigotry

If I told you that Peter Kay has a lot to answer for, you might be forgiven for thinking I was referring to the hordes of people who think that having a good enough memory to quote him makes them witty and amusing, but I just see that as a little variety amongst the people who think the same about Monty Python, or the Simpsons, or any one of a thousand others. No, I am talking about his rampant anti-Rich Tea propaganda. I put it to you that Rich Tea biscuits can be successfully dipped with consummate ease by all but the truly incompetent. So before you randomly take the word of comedians as Gospel, just have a go, and remember: if you can't dunk a Rich Tea, you're doing it wrong.

Just What He's Always Wanted

So far, the Perfect Gifts For Fathers' Day are the compilation CDs Power Ballads II and Cruise Control. I'm really not confident that there are that many fathers who would consider anything featuring Will Young to be the perfect gift.

I suppose we'll find out on the twentieth.

Today's Shopping List

Cold Meats (Not People)
Oats (To Sustain The People)
A Potato
General Recce For Food
Mince (Not People)
Beer
Veg (Preferably Amusingly Shaped)
Apples (Braeburn) (Plenty)
Biscuits (Digestive, Rich Tea)
Mussels (Alive, Alive-O)
Bacon (From A Pig)
Tamotoes
Ingredients
White, White Wine
Stewing Meat (Not People)
People

And to think Mum thought we'd lose all organisation without a female influence in the house.

When The Boat Comes In

In my freezer, in front of the out-of-date ASDA own-brand curries and the breaded prawns (which are probably also out of date, but nobody ever considers eating them so they never get checked), there lies four mealsworth of fish and chips.

Just down my road there is a fish and chip shop. In fact, it's an entire fish and chip restaurant.

I rather suspect that there will be some more out-of-date food in that freezer come May 2005.

Mark Allocations Are Shown In Brackets

There are few things that make you feel stupider that spending twenty minutes writing a fantastic answer to an eight-mark question only to discover that it's actually a four-mark question that you somehow misread the allocation for, but one of them is doing it on the English paper's reading section.

I like to think I kicked proverbial anyway.

Have You Done Your Special K Ten Thousand Steps?

Earlier today, I went on a long and pointless walk, because it was a nice day and I was bored. I passed many a Public Footpath sign, and mostly they led off down those familiar beaten tracks. But one of them appeared to point at a wall, which puzzled me somewhat. As I got nearer, I found that there was a gap in the stone just wide enough to slip through — but it was disguised by the fact that, on the other side of the wall, there was a second, much higher one, made entirely out of bracken and nettles. I like to imagine it was cultivated intentionally by someone who wanted to keep people off his land despite the public right of way.

So this is a call to arms. Footpath oppression must be stopped, and our tracks must be kept clear and beaten, just for the look of the thing. Band together to form elite mercenary rambling groups and wander about the place making footpaths look like they've been used at least once this millenium. Packed lunches and machetes are a must. We can't have the great British public looking idle.

The Future Is In Their Hands

My father, having filled in his postal ballot forms amid much grumbling, has just turned to me and said "I can't remember who I just voted for."

Which he then followed up with "Actually, I'm not sure I voted in the European one."

And to think people are worried about poor turnout.

From The TV Times Reader Offers Page

Ballerina Slippers: Buy One, Get One FREE!

Electronics Repair For Dummies

About five weeks ago, my mobile phone handset stopped working entirely. The good people at Siemens, hearing of my plight (through the Siemens Sales and Repairs Information Line) sent me a pre-paid Jiffy bag so I could send it off to be repaired, and I did so, noting that the information on the outside of the envelope described the job as "Skill Level 0".

Today, my phone came back. Or rather, it didn't. Because apparently, a skill level 0 job involves doing nothing for a month and then sending the customer a new phone. I'm not complaining, you understand — this way I don't have all the little scratches, or the O2 logo — it just seems to be that a fault which the Internet assures me can be solved by having your phone "unlocked" for a couple of quid on the market shouldn't be beyond the grasp on people who fix the things for a living.